After they hand-wash my car with a toothbrush, I point them at more advanced tasks like organizing the office supplies by color, size and country of origin. Then when that’s done, I make them put on a jester costume and cavort. If there is not enough cavorting, a taser can solve that most of the time.
Following their generous three minute lunch, I have them really dig into some work by doing some important gardening at my house. They must rent all the tools from me, of course. It’s only fair.
After that, I list them as dependents on my taxes and open some credit cards in their names.
And that’s a good start in the American economy for any intern.