Almost anything that makes the degrowthers cry is a net good.
Let’s really make them throw tantrums. Let’s build all kindsa amazing shit. We shall bathe in their tears.
Amusing
Defen
The Russian government never lays off its staff.
As long as there are windows around, no layoffs are needed. Hey, it’s a system that works for them.
Bald
Funny how semaglutides definitively proved the 99.9% of the garbage the Fat Acceptance movement spewed was comforting balderdash. You know, all that about “calories don’t matter” and “I only eat 800 calories a day and still gain weight” crapola.
All false. As anyone sane knew. But Ozempic etc. showed it beyond doubt.
Constrained
Too bad about that whole “ethics” and “morals” thing.
I think I’d make an absolutely amazing scammer. Perhaps one of the best of all time. And it’s so easy now compared to when you’d have to do it mostly in person or by mail.
Dev Null
I never did aspire to be a developer because I am bad at programming1. But most of the devs I meet are also bad at it, so I think I actually would’ve been just fine if I’d decided to go that way.
Solver
I name thee “Universal Computer Problem Solver.”
It resolves any computer headache instantly. Got an issue finding your Start menu that’s been in the same place for 30 years? Plug this handy-dandy device in and within fractions of a second it will no longer be your problem. Can’t recall the name of the application that you’ve used to do your daily work for 14 years? Slap this baby in and bam, it becomes a non-issue in a snap.
Yes indeed my friends, the UCPS can put the kibosh on all your computer annoyances instantly. Big or small, the UCPS solves ’em all!
And after you’re done fixing all your tech troubles, just leave the Solver plugged in and insert the USB connector into your mouth. It has a nice minty flavor that I’ll bet you just can’t wait to try.
No one has ever asked for a refund!
Noom
The Moon should be the 53rd state.
And it should of course be called “Moontana.”
Spirited
My story is also door-related.
A friend of mine that I’ve wrote about on another iteration of this blog had a horrible early life, but she still ended up being a free-spirited person who tried to enjoy the time she had. At least when I knew her, anyway.
One time we went to Gainesville, Florida, and had to enter a building with a revolving door. This was back in ’93. She didn’t travel much and I’m guessing that’s the first time she’d ever used one of those. It did not go well, to say the least. She got trapped inside for at least two cycles around and on one rotation she screamed, laughing, “It’s over for me! Just go on without me! Save yourself!”
Of course everyone was looking at us, some confused, some amused. Neither she nor I cared.
She eventually made it out and we found the indie record store we were looking for. As we left, though, we used the side door.
PDQ
when i was a teenager i read lesswrong and it was great but then i believed the part when everyone said markets were efficient and it ruined like four years of my life
— near (@nearcyan) February 10, 2025
It’s funny and telling how many people (the vast majority) who believe the “market efficiency” hypothesis have never held a corporate job.
Get one and you’ll become disabused of that notion right quick.
Years Now
This was my reaction too when people told me this same thing in middle and high school.
Luckily, it was not true. The best years of my life are right now. And I love it, but no love to all the haters (as they say).
Second Person
As you get older, you begin to realize how much history that preceded your memory must be wildly incorrect as you (to borrow a phrase from someone else) receive passionately confident but absurdly incorrect lectures about events from those too young to remember them regarding history that you personally lived through.
If people in some cases not even one generation removed from what occurred often get it so wrong, I can’t even imagine how much we misapprise and misrepresent something that happened 500 or a thousand years ago.
I think about this now any time I read about any “historical” event.
Trade You
It’s fucking hilarious that Canada does not have free trade across its own provinces. Way to shoot yourself in the foot face.
Why do that? Why?
Rearrange Derange
Musk is doing evil things.
And the liberals are astounded. And beaten as usual, but astounded. They cannot believe that someone who acts as clownish as Musk could easily best them yet again. They are the most specialest and smartest, after all!
Musk is something that normies will never — can never — understand. Especially Harrison Bergeron-sympathizing liberals. Ego the size of a supertanker, half the shit he says is wrong or physically impossible while the the other half of what he does is incredibly clever and strategically very smart. They’ve never met anyone like him and it shows. He’s a louche carnival conman with an airfcraft carrier in the harbor.
It’d be more amusing if Musk weren’t in fact so dangerous, and so effective when he sets his mind on something.
No Off
Every time I get a recruiter contacting me with any role that is in office to any extent, I send a pissy email like this back:
They all love me! I set the bridge on fire and dance in the fucking flames.