Agreed. Other than being about attempted control, I think this is why so many women resort to the “YOU ONLY WANT SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111” nonsense after you go on a couple of dates and then make any mention at all of what the next steps of dating might look like.

Look, lady, if I only wanted sex I wouldn’t be traditional dating and I also need to know that you’re not way more freaky than I’m comfortable with or want to participate in. I ain’t choking anybody or peeing on anybody, sorry. And that’s important information to have.

Sorry about your past trauma. However, you can deal with it alone if you want to take out on me whatever it was that some other dude did.

Men of Reddit, How has intimacy with older women at a young age impacted you?

It was a great experience and I wish I’d been able to be with older women at an even younger age. I learned a lot about how better to interact with women, got vastly more skilled at sex, had an amazing time otherwise and highly recommend it to all men.

In general something is only traumatizing because society brainwashes you into believing it’s so, and men are not women.

It made me a better person, lover and friend. Again, highly recommended.

The idea that all kinks are the result of trauma is just plainly and obviously wrong. The kinkiest girl I ever knew in my life (way, way too kinky for me¹) self-admittedly had a “vanilla, boring” childhood, had never been sexually assaulted, described her parents as “amazing and perfect” and had many friends. And this is not unusual from what I’ve seen.

All that Dr. Debra Soh is demonstrating that she is probably prudish and anti-kink in general. (And I say that as a person who is not 100% vanilla but absolutely no one would describe as into kinks and the like.)

1. She was into CNC, choking, degradation, free use, group sex, exhibitionism and many other things I have no interest in.

I’m not doubting her experiences here, but this is not true of me. I’m exactly the same having sex as not. Hell, I don’t even sweat. My personality is unchanged; there is no transformation of which she speaks. I don’t know how common or unusual this is as I do not have sex with men.

But it’s true of at least one man.

I’m not a prude, obviously, but to me an orgy sounds terrible. I’m not even into threesomes. Just…too much. Too much.

If a man can’t get intimacy in his relationship, where does this notion of “entitled” come from?

There is a huge double standard here, even if the poster seems a little incoherent. A woman gets huge, blaring sympathy if she says she wants more intimacy and the man in question is not providing it. The man is blamed no matter what the woman does because he somehow must have “caused” it.

However, if a man wants more intimacy and the woman is not providing this, then the man is also invariably blamed, often with the accusers knowing zero details. In their eyes, he also must have somehow “caused” this. In other words, no matter who is complaining about the dead bedroom it is always the man’s fault because he is the only one seen to have agency.

Now why is that? Why must the man always be wholly responsible for the woman’s emotional well-being, even in this context of sex?

I tell you what, we men get tired of all this emotional labor women force us to do.

One must wonder: in the near future, will you be able to have sex with a robot, and then program it to say a slur to save humanity from nuclear destruction?

Damn I sure hope so! More seriously, her take on the whole thing was pretty wrongheaded because she is an attractive woman who can easily get sex any time she wants it.

Many people agreed with me but many people also disagreed. Some people said I was taking a “female-centric” view to sex and not accounting for just how happy men are to have sex without any consideration to whether the other person is into them. The rationale here is that the vast majority of men aren’t attractive to anyone, so for them it would be the difference between having “fake” sex or having no sex.

I was skeptical. I believe that there are fewer men considered sexually desirable than women, but I don’t think that so many men are considered sexually undesirable (especially in unfixable ways) that sex robots would appeal to the majority.

She was taking an extremely female-centric view, where sex is very, very easy to get. For the vast majority of men it’s extremely difficult to get sex 99% of the time.

To most men, 80% of women between 18-40 are sexually desirable (even if for only a one-night stand). To most women, 90%+ of men are sexually undesirable for anything at all.

This is the huge mismatch she (and most women also) fails to understand.

My girlfriend had sex with a guy she met few days while she was waiting for me but now we’re official she asked me to be patient to wait until she’s ready to have sex?

This is where men get accused of things like “YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111” when it’s the feeling of being less important than some random clown that is really what’s going on. This is almost always the case, though it plays out in different ways.

The reality is that a lot of women use sex as a weapon. And men react to that weaponization. As anyone should.

Women are often more obsessed with sex than men, just in different (and typically more harmful) ways.

The myth is that men are sex-obsessed beasts who can think of and are concerned with nothing else.

The reality for most men: “This woman is naked with her legs spread and she’s pulling down my pants. Maybe she’s just tired? Or doesn’t like my pants? She probably doesn’t actually want sex. This is a trick or something. I better not chance it. Don’t want to be a creep.”

The above (only slightly exaggerated) happens so very often to men who are only used to disdain and rejection from women.

I’ve noticed similar and it is an enormous difference. It’s shocking how prudish, how asexual and how repressed younger millennials and Gen Z are. It’s like they are missing out on so much of life and don’t seem to realize it or care.

Very sure they’ll regret it when older, though.

And various goofuses were arguing with me a while ago, claiming that society in toto was not getting vastly more prudish. Totally wrong.